I am in grad school about to complete my final week. I have been so stressed out. I have been seeing big beautiful big black Butterflies, flying around me just so I can see them seems like. The Butterfly others always send me are big black Butterflies with blue on the top.
I just realized these Butterflies are for my comfort. Thank you Lord for presence and allowing the presence of my baby.
(Photo from Bing)
Most think women suffer the most once a child has passed away. In speaking with my brother who lost his oldest son a few months after my Sierra passed away, he experienced the same common feelings as a mother does, who has loosed a child.
I would love to extend my ear, heart and time to any suffer fathers out there who needs someone to listen and speak with about what they are experiencing after the loss of a child. I’m no therapist just a parent who has loosed.
We understand one another and I do know often, in marriages and relationships this can cause a rift for short periods of times and sometimes forever, because both are grieving and do not know how to place the feeling and pain associated with loosing a child.
I started this blog in all sincerity to help other parents in the grieving and healing process so that we may pay it forward to other parents as we heal and become stronger. Knowing my experience and how I felt, what I lacked and the support that was and was not available, I want to be a bridge for another parent who needs someone who understands what you are feeling and hopefully help in the healing process as best I can.
We never totally get over it, because our children are a part of us and we have experienced a real loss. In time the pain does subside and we will do better from day-to-day, not to say somethings will not hit you like a lead balloon, just as you feel you are on the path to healing. We are human and this hurts.
Lets Talk
Picture from Facebook
The winter is a bit gloomy, cold and unpredictable for those of us in the parts of the world who has to deal with fluctuating changes in the winter months.
It is now Spring, let’s get out, take some walks, clear our heads and take life by its gentle Butterfly Wings. Let us think of renewal and how we can help ourselves and those around us. It is so refreshing and rewarding when in the midst of our most painful trials in life, to put a smile on someone else’s face.
It is the small things that shines the greatest in the dark, think of the stars. When life happened to me, is how I choose to speak on loosing my daughter, I was blessed to be of service to my family and taking care of my 2 and 4-year-old grand daughters. I continued to take care of my sick step Dad. I sat and talked with him everyday for months while the girls were at school.
We all may have different experiences in our loss. If you can think of something to take part in, to keep you going and not allow the sadness and sorrow engulf you, please get up everyday as if you have a mission to accomplish. Volunteer, go sit with an elderly person or just go for a walk, take deep breaths to relieve the stress and allow oxygen to flow to your brain and throughout your body. Be sure to eat small meals or healthy snacks. You have to feed your body to have strength for the healing.
God will need to use you, there will be others along the way. He will put someone before you, and you may not be in the place where you want to be in your recovery, but, please help, we need each other.
We are like God’s helpers as we live daily with this pain that will never go away, but We learn to live with it. The best way we can honor our babies, is to help others who are in this pain.
Short sympathy poems website
Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning. Pray through the pain and heartache. Talk to someone, take long walks, find peace in something or some place. The heaviness of this pain, shall pass. The longing and heartache never goes away, but it will get better with time.
This is the most profound information I was given when I lost my Sierra.
Passing the torch to you
Love
Faith
Google photo
I just wanted to share a picture that I found. I pray that whoever looks upon this photo will be blessed with another level of healing today.
I find joy in so many areas of life since loosing my daughter. I love, love, love, being a grandmother. My grandchildren bring me so much joy and they give me so much unconditional love. Each one of them has a different certain passion for me.
Aysia is the oldest, she watches closely even when you think she is lackadaisical about most things, she is my honor roll student.
Ayana is my on hands thinker, pleaser and doer. She watches me and immolates me in getting dressed, how she presents herself and has mature maternal ways at the age of 9.
ZaMauri is our blessing and Angel of healing. He is 3, he brought sunshine and love back into our home. He is definitely hands on and as soon as he hits the front door he makes the house smile. He is so full of love and energy. For a little person, he has some very loving ways that exceeds his age.
I find so much joy in hanging out with my grandbabies, spending quality time, creating new memories and just feeling their love and getting healing from them.
Along this journey in my life I find joy in helping others, encouraging, motivating and also sharing nurturing moments with young people. In life we are thrown curve balls that were not suppose to be in the game. We have to learn to adjust, recreate and start over sometimes in the blink of an eye. We can reach so many people if we are willing to Find Joy in the Small Things.
picture from Focus on the Family
Five Emotional Stages of Healing: By Susan Barlow http://susannabarlow.com/healing/the-five-stages-of-emotional-healing/
1) Avoidance – The first stage of my emotional healing always begins when I notice that I am avoiding something.
2) Confrontation – The second stage is confrontation. That doesn’t mean engaging in a personal conflict with someone you believe has hurt you. Instead it is a confrontation of the emotional issue that you have been avoiding and noticing yourself avoiding
3) Staying with the emotions – The third stage is working with emotions. Emotions are powerful movers of energy. It is the emotional stage where the real work gets done.
4) Clarity and action – After the hard work of staying with my emotions I discover a great sense of clarity, as if the clouds part and the sun comes shining through.
5) Epiphany and gratitude – The fifth and final stage of emotional healing is a spontaneous shift of perception or viewpoint.
I wanted to share this with you. Please log on to it to continue reading information on each stage. I only listed what each was, each has further explanations.
Never Would’ve Made It – Marvin Sapp: http://youtu.be/7JXFg5KEoXg
This song was very instrumental in my healing process.
Youtube video
Song: Never Would Have Made it
Marvin Sapp
YouTube video
I hope this video will shed light on some of my other postings so that just maybe those who need this or those who are reading my posts will better understand what we as parents, grieving are dealing with.
Thank you in advance
Black Butterfly – By Denise Williams
The pain of loss is the same for mothers and fathers. We communicate this pain differently. I have noticed, men cannot verbally express their feelings of loss as women do, so they in turn suffer more than. Women find an outlet in a friend or family member who will listen. Women will be the first to suggest talking to a counselor.
My feelings on this was, how can someone talk to me about these feelings, when they have not experienced what I have, they do not know this pain and cannot relate. My daughters father is still suffering quite badly, if only I could reach out to him and talk to him. He has a wife, so I cannot reach out as a friend or parent. We separated when my daughter was 3, there is nothing between us but grandchildren.
I have to remain neutral to not cause issues….
Butterfly Angel Network 