Feeling Stuck

 in loving memory of Sierra and all of our children who have gone before us.

I want to give life to others in this blog who are experiencing the feeling of numbness, loss, emotionless and withdrawal from what others norm is after the loss of a child. “STUCK”

I often find myself here after 8yrs of loosing my Sierra.  There is no time frame in which healing occurs, its One Day at a Time. I will offer advice on feeling, “STUCK.”  When I feel stuck, I can just sit in my room in a place where I’m just there, watching television, away from my other family, just there. I’m not saddened, happy or even emotional, I’m just there. This is a result if the trauma of the loss and how it has effected me, who would have known, but I am quite aware. Is it a coping mechanism, possibly.

I have completed a bachelors and masters degree since I loosed my Sierra, had a mild stroke, been laid off from work, and still this feeling and time in life, is the same.

The only way I can get out of it is to force myself to move.  In the summer I would go for a walk, visit or get out and just go.  Now that the winter has come upon us, its harder to go to  get out of it. While in grad school, oh my, it surely woke me up and forced me out of it, so its like a decision. But there has to be some resilience there for this to occur. Everyone deals with this in different ways, there may not be the strength needed just to pull up and get out of it or realize you are in it this place, “STUCK.”  This place can become your normal which is very, very dangerous, this is why I am submitting this blog to you.

I have found times when I have been “STUCK,” it was like I was just there, nothing, like a mist of air in time. Then my right mind realized, hey you have chores to do, you need to cook before the kids get home from school, get up and go get a walk in, call your mom get out and take yourself to breakfast or lunch.  We have to be the opposite in this for ourselves.

Those of you who are lucky enough to have a strong support system, please let them know you are experiencing this so that they can check on you more or you can pickup the phone and say, “Hey, I’m in those feelings again, and they will know what to do to help you. I have found myself to be in a room of people and life was going on all around me, but I was not there, I was in that place, “STUCK.”

Its like loosed in a time capsule or in the room like a mist of smoke or air, just existing. Please do not allow this feeling overcome our life and become your normalcy. Talk to someone , join a blog or  forum, allow your support system to know so that you can get help and find coping mechanisms.

Write down your feelings, progress and forward thinking plans beyond your now.  We have to plan beyond the now to move forward in our life and healing process.

ONE DAY AT A TIME, is the key

FORWARD THINKING AND PLANNING,  moving beyond the now

“STUCK” … DO NOT DWELL IN THIS PLACE FOR LONG

CREATE YOUR NEW NORMAL, LIFE PRIOR TO THE LOSS, NO LONGER EXISTS

 

 

 

 

 

Men and Women Suffer Alike

(Photo from Bing)

Most think women suffer the most once a child has passed away.  In speaking with my brother who lost his oldest son a few months after my Sierra passed away, he experienced the same common feelings as a mother does, who has loosed a child.

I would love to extend my ear, heart and time to any suffer fathers out there who needs someone to listen and speak with about what they are experiencing after the loss of a child.  I’m no therapist just a parent who has loosed.

We understand one another and I do know often, in marriages and relationships this can cause a rift for short periods of times and sometimes forever, because both are grieving and do not know how to place the feeling and pain associated with loosing a child.

I started this blog in all sincerity to help other parents in the grieving and healing process so that we may pay it forward to other parents as we heal and become stronger. Knowing my experience and how I felt, what I lacked and the support that was and was not available, I want to be a bridge for another parent who needs someone who understands what you are feeling and hopefully help in the healing process as best I can.

We never totally get over it, because our children are a part of us and we have experienced a real loss. In time the pain does subside and we will do better from day-to-day, not to say somethings will not hit you like a lead balloon, just as you feel you are on the path to healing.  We are human and this hurts.

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